The Achiever’s Dilemma

Critical to your manual for living is knowing your preferred destination. Perhaps you want to be:

·         happy

·         financially secure

·         successful

·         influential

Once you identify this, reflect on what it means:

·         How will I know when I arrive?

·         How will I feel when I arrive?

·         What will be the impact of my arrival?

This may reveal a deeper motivation. For example, perhaps being influential is appealing because you imagine the ability to have a “positive impact” in the world. Thus, your ultimate destination is a positive impact, and alternative paths may be possible.

Divided focus

The desire for more than one destination may pose a challenge. Maybe you want a rewarding career, and adventure, and a big happy family! You then find yourself being called to:

·         juggle

·         prioritize

·         accept less than optimal, or

·         give up something

Recognize when you have potentially competing (versus complementary) desires. Then it’s time for a reality check:

·         What means the most?

·         What can be postponed or abandoned?

·         What’s missing?

Malfunctioning GPS

What if I know what I want, yet I seem to be travelling in the wrong direction? Consider what may be out of alignment:

·         Is your desired destination unclear?

·         Are you distracted with other possibilities?

·         Are you silently waiting for roadside assistance?

·         Did you reach your destination, yet you feel disappointed?

Once you see where the malfunction is, consider a course correction, or even plotting a new trip!

Rules of the road

Any owner’s manual includes guidelines and troubleshooting ideas. Without them we can get derailed or lost. Consider these rules:

·         Boundaries: know what you prefer and how to support what is important to you.

·         Agency: own your life, and use discernment to filter feedback from others.

·         Permission to adjust: when something isn’t working, do something different.

·         The journey: recognize that the process of moving toward a destination is your life.

A first-person profile

Kathy Morris is a perioperative nurse in cardiovascular surgery, and she has a fascinating take on the achiever’s dilemma.

“For a long time, I’ve defined myself by my work,” she says. “Much of my self-image, moments of pride, and source of respect from others has been tied up in ‘I’m a nurse.’ The back side of that was long hours, heavy work, thankless overtime, and the challenges above my pay grade.

“I couched how I managed those things in terms like ‘dedication’ and ‘mental and physical toughness.’ In fact, the cost showed up in my relationships, and choices I made therein. After crash and burn, I had to regroup.”

Rather than assuming that her job was the problem, Morris looked at how she was living her life, what adjustments she might make, and the less tangible benefits of her chosen career.

“I [looked] the rewards gained in being part of a strong and dedicated team, highly effective in stressful situations. We spent a lot of time together, weaving our different skill sets to support people in their most vulnerable moments. Working hard while having confidence and respect for other team members is an important aspect of the ‘success’ part of my work.”

Kathy adjusted her attitude, shifted to related work with a flexible schedule, and began to focus more on her personal and social life. She describes her life as unfolding nicely!

Your bespoke manual for living

These are elements to consider when rethinking what success means to you and how to make choices that fit. And remember to have a sense of humour―everything is lighter and richer with a cosmic perspective; we feel more connected, and more options surface.

Conscious choices

Every day, we make decisions that prioritize one thing over another. Sometimes this is an oversight; other times it is avoidance of recognizing the choices we are making. Get some traction for your trip by acknowledging competing desires or forgotten priorities. Make some conscious choices, knowing you can always adjust down the road.

Time for a course correction?

If something in your life seems off:

·         Pause and take a breath.

·         Recognize your role in your predicament.

·         Try to see the big picture and any assumptions you’ve made.

·         Look for alternatives to investigate.

A course correction is not failure; it’s an inevitable part of life, and it’s often where we get jolted into something new.

This article was originally published in the July 2024 issue of alive magazine.