Spring Cleaning for the Soul

Community is no longer woven into the fabric of our society like it once was. We don’t require community in the same way to survive, so we have to make a conscious effort to cultivate it if we wish to experience its myriad benefits.

Facebook communities

For those looking to join a community, but with flexibility, Facebook is a great place to start, since membership has no physical borders and “meetings” are often informal, if at all.

Lauren Elizabeth Roberts is a mindset and empowerment coach. In addition to one-on-one coaching, she uses a combination of Facebook groups, Facebook Live, and other online tools to cultivate a supportive online community, which has grown to over 800 members in a one-and-a-half-year period.

No stranger to transitioning herself, Roberts recently left her day job to pursue her business full-time. She credits several Facebook communities for supporting her during this exciting, albeit scary, time.

Roberts believes the reason hers and other Facebook communities are so powerful is that its format gives members “permission to be really real and be really raw and feel safe doing that.”

For folks going through particularly emotional transitions, this can be incredibly valuable, as demonstrated in a 2015 study in which researchers examined Facebook users undergoing gender transition.

They found that 73 percent of participants reported most, almost all, or all of the people in their Facebook network supported their transition. They also suggested that Facebook provides access to new networks specifically for those undergoing gender transition.

As one study participant reported, “The social circles of supporters and fellow trans people I’ve made on Facebook have provided substantial and vital support during my coming-out process.”

In-person communities

Although online communities are standalone support networks in their own right, there is no replacement for face-to-face connection. As Roberts puts it, “We can’t hug people through the internet.”

Breaking into a community can be a hurdle, and introverted types especially may find in-person communities intimidating. Roberts has a few helpful tips, though, no matter your personality type.

Be open. Tell people why the community is important to you. Being vulnerable invites others to be open with you.

Be a resource. By offering your own skills, time, and resources, you help to secure your spot within the community.

Be you. If you’re interacting from a place of sincerity, you can be sure the connections you make are “based on an authentic expression of yourself.”

Find your helpers

Vancouver’s Annalise Sullivan is the owner of Spirited Roots. As a healer and breathworker, she empowers her clients to “save themselves through right relationship with their internal nature.”

Most of the people Sullivan works with are gearing up for transition or in the midst of it. Having hired her fair share of helpers, Sullivan believes they are a necessary part of healthy transition, since they help you stay focused.

And while it’s perfectly natural, she says, “to want to give up, to want to turn back, to decide that you need more courses, more education,” a helper can “remind you where your heart is and what you actually want.”

When seeking a helper, Sullivan looks for “someone teaching from experience.” In other words, she wants a helper who has examined their own patterns and triggers and taken significant steps toward healing them.

Psychotherapist and registered clinical counsellor Tatiana Santini echoes Sullivan’s sentiment, insisting that whoever you choose, ensure they’ve done and continue to do therapy themselves to “identify and reflect objectively and impartially on a client’s struggles.”

Find yourself

Emotional intelligence might just be the key to navigating a significant life change with grace. In a 2010 study, researchers found that, of the 320 first-time university students they surveyed, those who came from “more expressive family environments” found it easier to adjust.

Sullivan explains that emotional intelligence “provides the framework for holding your own hand when things get tough,” and the way she suggests building emotional intelligence is through a “habit of gentleness.”

Santini also points to gentleness in the form of “plenty of self-compassion and self-care” as a means of cultivating emotional intelligence. Be intentionally kind to yourself, speak to yourself the way you’d speak to a good friend, and, of course, take care of your body with sufficient sleep, a balanced diet, and exercise.

Take the leap

Making big changes in our lives can be downright terrifying and, at the same time, extraordinarily empowering.

By taking stock of the internal and external support systems we have and taking action to establish new ones, we set ourselves up for success. And if we fail, we learn that we’re resilient and, thanks to our communities and helpers, in good hands.