Love is in the Air

When you see dogs sniffing each other or a cat rubbing against her scratching post, you’re witnessing the power of pheromones. These natural chemicals carry information and prompt various social responses within specific species, and they’re produced by all animals.

That includes you and me.

Human pheromones were first discovered in the 1980s by researchers analyzing underarm sweat. Sexy, I know. But there’s an MO to the BO.

The nose knows

Pheromones are found in your sweat and other secretions, and some studies suggest they’re picked up by the vomeronasal organ in your nose. Your nose sends those smelly messages to your brain, and some studies suggest this may affect your mood and behaviour.

For example, an ovulating woman is thought to “smell” more attractive and pleasurable to a nearby heterosexual man, according to recent research. Do you bat for the other team? Similar results were seen among gay men.

Pheromones may also carry other types of messages. For instance, pheromones are thought to help infants and mothers identify each other. Other types of pheromones share information about someone’s mood.

So, while not all pheromones are specifically sexual, they can play a role in our attraction by telling us more about the other person. And that’s where things get interesting.

Scent and the city

Because pheromones carry many messages about someone, there’s a recurring hypothesis that it’s not just about purely sexual attraction. Those pheromones may be carrying messages about the other person’s suitability as a mate.

Some think that pheromones tell you about a person’s immune system. Several researchers hypothesize that our brains may interpret a strong immune system as attractive. Other pheromones may give us clues about someone’s DNA. You might be drawn to the other person if their DNA is sufficiently different from yours, implying your potential offspring would be healthier.

“Pheromones are an attraction primer,” explains Deanna Cobden, a relationship expert and certified dating coach in Vancouver. “It’s this thing that tells you that you might have chemistry together and you might be able to make healthy babies together, which of course helps with attraction.”

Michael Holick, chief of endocrinology at Boston University’s School of Medicine, agrees. According to an interview with the university, Holick says attraction is likely 50 percent pheromones and other chemicals, and 50 percent emotion. The chemicals come first, although most of us never truly notice. After that comes endorphins and other brain chemicals, as well as your intention to make that relationship a reality.

If pheromones spark that initial eye contact across the room, what follows is far more important.

The choice is yours

Pheromones may be powerful, but we’re not helpless. In fact, quite the opposite.

“Intention is huge,” says Cobden. She cautions that pheromones aren’t a magic trick. They don’t promise you’ll have a relationship beyond the initial attraction.

“There’s the initial science side and then there’s your intention and energy,” says Cobden. “Pheromones might tell you that you have some sort of compatibility. It can get your foot in the door. But if you don’t have the skills or the right mindset to grow that relationship and come to it from an emotionally intelligent, healthy, happy place, you’re not going to have a successful relationship.”

Instead of focusing on what chemicals your body puts out into the air, Cobden recommends being conscious of what you put out into your energy field.

“Survey after survey and study after study show that confidence is the sexiest, most attractive quality anybody can have,” she points out. “And that’s really what you have to develop. It’s a confidence in who you are and how you show up every day.

“You are 100 percent responsible for your life, and you get to choose whether you pursue an attraction or not,” says Cobden. “Love is a decision. Love is something that you participate in. It’s not passive. Real love is what happens after ‘falling’ in love. It’s the choices you make every day to choose each other.”

So, as we wait for more research on pheromones and exactly how these chemicals affect our behaviours and our moods, only one question remains: Who do you choose?

A version of this article was published in the January 2020 issue of alive Canada with the title “Love is in the Air.”