Is there anything more highly desired, yet elusive, than happiness? Some describe it as a fleeting emotion along life’s journey, others as the ultimate destination. Some think about it in terms of genetic inheritance, others as the culmination of practices.
How do you hold happy?
Dr. Caroline Meyer, ND, experiences happiness by catching the small moments, pointing out that when we “rely on big moments, we miss the sustenance of daily pleasures.”
For Josh Gitalis, clinical nutritionist and functional medicine practitioner, happiness is about attuned decision-making and feeling aligned with his purpose.
For Chantée Dardaine, registered psychotherapist, happiness is an embodied feeling when engaged in doing something “soul-warming.”
And, Linda Graham, retired marriage and family therapist and author of Bouncing Back and Resilience (New World Library, 2013 and 2018), points out that “‘happy’ has so many flavours, from contentment to delight, to euphoria.” Instead of a superficial or fluffy connotation of happiness, Graham says she “cultivates a deeper sense of joy and appreciation.”
The “how” of happiness
What is it that we’re experiencing when we say, “I’m happy”? Turns out, it’s physical, emotional, and intentional.
Physically, Gitalis explains, the emotion we describe as happiness is the intersection of multiple factors: “Neurotransmitters that regulate mood, like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins, are released in brain regions associated with happiness. Hormones such as oxytocin are influenced by hugging, bonding, and social interactions.”
“The capacity for happiness relies on the health of our nervous system,” says Meyer.
To counteract the less-than-happy autopilot many of us find ourselves in, leading to missing out on simple, happy moments, Dardaine brings “an intention of happiness.”
It’s all about appreciation
“Gratitude encourages us to look for pleasurable moments in daily life,” Meyer says. “Recalling with gratitude a few happy moments in each day has been a transformative practice,” she adds, “and mindfulness makes this possible.”
Gratitude is Graham’s main “go-to for cultivating or sustaining a sense of happiness.” She purposefully recognizes the “abundant enoughness” in her life. Like Graham, Gitalis also sees gratitude as reminding us when we have enough. It’s that sense of “not-enoughness,” says Gitalis, that diminishes happiness.
It’s closer than you think
“Growing up, happiness was related to goals,” says Dardaine. “I would frequently say ‘I’ll be happy when …’ which, looking back, made me feel that happiness was only waiting for me at the outcome. As it turns out, happiness is right in front of us.”
“We can become so busy in our lives,” Graham says, “that we crowd out the happiness that could be readily available to us.” She suggests we spend at least a little part of each day doing something that makes us happy and to be sure not to miss the feeling of happiness when it arises.
Slowing down and taking notice helps us see all the small moments, the seemingly insignificant instances of joy that collectively add up and contribute to a happier life, according to Alyssa Kerbel, creator of LimitLyss and the Kind Human Club.
Measuring happy
Around the world, when organizations are trying to figure out if a population is happy, they turn to well-being assessments. On them, the questions posed are about well-being and life satisfaction.
Dardaine actively practises happiness by “scheduling moments of goodness,” such as afternoon tea or evening popcorn, while Graham intentionally cultivates things that evoke contentment or joy, such as time with friends or moving in nature.
“Beyond purely pleasurable activities,” says Meyer, “I make sure to do a few mildly challenging habits every day.” At the end of each day, she experiences the “positive feeling of small accomplishments.” And restoring or maintaining health is fundamental to happiness for Gitalis, for himself and his clients.
What happiness isn’t
It isn’t fixed
Through what’s called hedonic adaptation, we get used to the new, big things in our lives, such as a new job or promotion, and return to our happiness set point. Similarly, when we go through loss and grief, in time we come back to our happiness baseline. Gitalis emphasizes that “we can actually change our set point through awareness of things that make us happier.”
It isn’t the opposite of sadness
“Constantly feeling happy isn’t really the goal,” says Dardaine. “Feeling sadness, frustration, fear, and anger helps us recognize happiness when it occurs.”
It isn’t possible all the time
Happiness is a feeling, and “all feelings are temporary,” Dardaine points out.
It isn’t a characteristic
It’s not that someone is a “happy person, or not,” explains Dardaine. Instead, she says, “Some feelings come to us, and other feelings we need to move toward.”
It isn’t one thing
Dardaine recommends journalling about who and what helped to form your understanding of, beliefs about, and expectations for happiness.
Highlighting happiness
“Times of unhappiness can lead us to a deeper understanding of our needs, like what smells, sights, items, music, or people can support us coming into a state of happiness,” says Dardaine.
As feelings of happiness come and go, says Graham, accept that the flow of life is itself a condition for happiness.
Finally, Meyer suggests: “Place a hand on your heart during a happy experience and silently repeat, ‘Remember this moment.’ Happiness can become a sacred practice.”
Practising happy
Exercise
For feel-good endorphin release, social connections, exerting positive control, exposure to sunlight and fresh air, and increased blood flow to the brain, movement is number one.
Decide
Pay careful attention to your mindset and how you choose to filter or interpret your experience.
Disrupt
Redefine what “goodness” is throughout your day.
Trust
Take heart in knowing that in the moments when happiness may be absent, it will return.
Play
Prioritize joyful moments and experiences, particularly to push back against the busyness and pressures of daily life.
Supplements to support happiness
● DHA (docosahexaenoic acid, an omega-3) is a key building block of the brain and nervous system.
● B vitamins are critical for production of neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine.
● Curcumin (turmeric) is said to help decrease neuroinflammation associated with depression and anxiety.
● L-theanine may help increase alpha waves in the brain associated with mental relaxation.
● Rhodiola may help diminish effects of stress.
● Magnesium L-threonate is a form of the “antistress” mineral magnesium that can cross the blood-brain barrier.
● Probiotics may be linked to happiness through improved gut health.
The top ten reasons for being happy
According to the Ipsos Global Happiness 2022 survey, the top 10 of what makes people happy from around the world:
- physical health and well-being
- mental health and well-being
- relationship with partner/spouse
- feeling like one’s life has meaning
- one’s children
- one’s living conditions
- feeling safe
- feeling in control of one’s life
- time in nature
- feeling like one’s job is meaningful
Happy in Canada
According to the 2022 Ipsos Happiness survey, 80 percent of surveyed Canadians described themselves as “very” or “rather” happy.
This article was originally published in the July 2024 issue of alive magazine.
Deena Kara Shaffer, PhD, is a learning specialist and lecturer at Ryerson University, co-creator of the Thriving in Action initiative, and owner of Awakened Learning, resilience-based educational coaching and consulting.
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