Hard to Swallow

As a kid, I couldn't swallow pills. My mother would have to get liquid versions of any medicines I needed, or crush pills into a teaspoon of jam. She'd be so proud if she could see me now, knocking back supplements the size of exotic beetles with barely a sip of water.

For the longest time, there hasn't been an extract, mineral, tincture, or tea that I wouldn't try. I'm like the trendsetter of the vitamin world, trying anything I couldn't pronounce. The problem is, once you're really into supplements, you find yourself clearing space in the garage to store them all. But the oversized bottles and jars are the least of your worries the real trick is figuring out how best to organize, and remember to take, your daily supply.

I started out with those little day-of-the-week pillboxes that you get at the drugstore, but those only hold about two or three tablets. I moved up to the larger size, but it still wasn't enough. By the time I had filled the biggest one I could find (with separate dividers for morning, noon, and night), my kitchen was starting to look like the medicine cabinet of a palliative care facility. When I went over to a friend's house one Saturday and saw a pill organizer that looked like the offspring of a tackle box and a tool caddy, I asked her where she'd found such a brilliantly constructed and useful device. "Canadian Tire," she replied.

But no matter how colossal or costly the container, it doesn't seem like I can ever remember to take my vitamins for more than a few days at a stretch. I even tried just storing them in sandwich bags and leaving them in all of my purses, but all that resulted in was me throwing out a bunch of discoloured and possibly rancid vitamins a month later.

I've been juggling my supplements around for so long that I'd almost forgotten what it felt like not to go to bed feeling guilty that I'd forgotten to take my dong quai again. I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to open that cupboard in the kitchen and not have a plastic bottle fall on my head. Whose stupid idea was it to store them in the same cupboard as the leftover Easter chocolate anyway?

So I think I'm going to have to break my habit for a while. Guilt is the biggest and most bitter pill of all, so why keep swallowing it? Until some genius can come up with a custom-blended magical elixir that contains exactly the right amount of everything I need in one day in one delicious little teaspoon, I'm spending my money on shoes instead.

Besides, I've been thinking of trying something trendy and getting my nutrients from food. I hear that's really catching on…