Alone or Lonely?

Being separated from someone we love whether through death, divorce, or extended travel, can be one of the most difficult times in our lives. Whether we are 3 or 93, the sense of loss can be very painful and can last a lifetime–but there is hope. This challenge is actually a challenge of energetics.

Life is Energy

The energy of our brainwaves runs our body. Modern medicine can even measure some of this energy through EEGs. If there is no energy coming from the brain (no brainwaves), then there is no life. Science is confirming what healing disciplines such as chiropractic, acupuncture, and yoga have been teaching for thousands of years: the essence of life is energy.

Each of our relationships represents a unique energy. It’s important to isolate the role, or unique energy, that your loved one played in your life. Your loved one was not just a physical form to you–but a form of energy representing someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone who truly understood you, or all of these things.

Form-Changing Energy

Science states that energy can never be created or destroyed but only changed in form. The task for us is to find the person in our lives who represents the new form of energy.

No relationship is ever truly “lost”; it just changes into a new form that is often not obvious to us unless we are looking for it. For example, if your loved one represented “someone to talk to,” consider who now fills this role. Have you become closer with a certain friend lately? Do you find it easier to communicate with a relative who is being especially supportive through this challenging time? Perhaps the answer lies in more than one form.

Now You See It–Now You Don’t

Without realizing it, we all learn to look for energy from the time we are born. Having awareness of something still being there when not in view is called object permanence. Young children believe that when their mother is out of view, she has left them–out of sight out of mind. This is what makes the game “peek-a-boo” so fascinating. As the children grow, they become more aware that their mother is not actually gone, but is temporarily out of sight.

Evolving Energy

This lesson of object permanence continues for our lifetime. Relationships are created and then dissolve. Rarely are the warm friendships of grade school maintained until adulthood, and rarely do we maintain old romantic relationships as new ones evolve. If we attach only to the physical form of a person, we can miss out on their full essence or spirit. We often tell ourselves that they are gone when their energy is still with us. Death can seem like the ultimate separation.

Just because our senses don’t pick up the physical form of the loved one we are missing doesn’t mean we don’t have access to their energy. Remember that our senses only pick up part of the picture. Often at a funeral we hear people say, “Well, she is with us in spirit,” or “He will always be in my heart.” This conforms perfectly to what we now know about energy.

Regaining the gentle awareness of our loved one’s essence and eliminating the fear of being alone can be one of the most difficult tasks in our lives…but it can ultimately be one of the most rewarding.

The following are some suggestions to awaken your mind to the energy of the loved one your senses are missing.

1. Make a list of the things you feel you are missing because the person is no longer in front of you. Be very specific–for example, hugs, great conversation, or help raising the kids. The more specific you can be about the role your loved one played for you, the better.
2. Next ask yourself, “Where, and in what form, do I have that now?” For example, who do you have stimulating conversations with now? Who has shown up to help you raise the children? Continue until you recognize what form has replaced your missing loved one. If you get stuck, look at all the areas of your life–physical, spiritual, family, money–to see where your loved one’s essence is represented by a new form of energy.