> Children and Parenting > Emotional and Mental Health

When I was pregnant 13 years ago, the only “yummy mummy” I had ever heard of was a sugary breakfast cereal–and thank goodness. Raising a baby was hard enough without trying to measure up to our current standards for a modern mom.

This yummy-mummy nonsense seems to have begun with good intentions. Many mothers today are older and better educated than previous generations. But the cold war-era vision of motherhood offered little more than indentured servitude. “Once you have kids,” it seemed to suggest, “you can just forget about doing anything interesting or fun or sexy ever again! You’re a mom now, so just shut yourself away!”

Modern moms knew they could come up with something better. Whether a mother decides to work at home or in the public sphere, she is still a thinking person with a variety of interests. Moms today can speak frankly about the challenges of raising kids, and there are more outlets than ever for sharing ideas–not just casserole recipes. A woman with kids can be an active, engaged, sexual being, and her choices are greater than ever before. (I’m speaking here of a certain demographic; poor women’s choices are often limited to survival strategies.)

Sadly, these good intentions have morphed into something considerably less noble. The yummy-mummy movement has not escaped the marketer’s eyes, who posit the infant as the ultimate lifestyle accessory for the super-consumer. Pregnancy opens a world of shopping options that make new parents rivals in an ongoing battle to have the costliest stroller, the chicest crib, and the most sarcastic slogans on their little darling’s $60 onesie.

Even mothers themselves have been objectified to the point of becoming an accessory. It’s no longer enough to give birth and raise children–now you have to look like you’re too young and lithe to have even managed it. From revealing maternity wear to magazine articles about quickly losing the “baby weight,” today’s mother doesn’t get a chance to not be sexy.

The worst part of all is that, instead of dismissing this rubbish outright, women have turned to fighting one another. On websites, in newspaper columns, and on television shows, mothers take one another to task on everything from work to daycare to breastfeeding to parenting styles. Every choice is subject to scrutiny and judgment–and no one, not the parents or kids, wins.

As I said, I’m happy to have become a mom when I didn’t really know what I was getting into, because I’m sure I would come up short by today’s standards. To my peers, none of whom had children of their own, I was a novelty mom with an adorable daughter. No one judged my looks or my parenting skills. I was just a gal with a kid, trying to figure it out. I don’t know if that’s yummy or not, but it was the best I could do. Really, isn’t that enough?

Jenn Farrell is a Vancouver writer who prefers “fabulous” over “yummy.”

Source: alive #299, September 2007